World of LULZ
can i hurt my face with this meat grinder? will my hamster murder me with a gun?
A very few days after three top medical officials at one of the biggest hospitals in Los Angeles spent ten glorious minutes openly mocking Covid hysteria — “We’re just seeing nobody with severe Covid disease” — I got my morning local news alerts in my inbox and saw that they were full of fear porn headlines about the terrifying RISING WAVE of local Covid hospitalizations. And I thought, “But they just said….”
So I went to Google up some hysteria, so I could write a short post showing the disconnection between what doctors were saying and what reporters were saying. But, reader, I didn’t make it.
I didn’t make it there because Google offered me a bunch of suggestions about other Covid questions that might interest me:
I am in love with these questions, and may move in with them. “Can I still have sex during the coronavirus pandemic?” Absolutely not, but check back in 2028.
“Can the coronavirus survive in a swimming pool?” Of course. It’s literally the second most common site of transmission — right behind number one, which is people getting Covid from viruses floating in actual tubs of bleach.
“Does everyone with COVID-19 end up in the hospital?” No, most die screaming on the way there. It literally eats your knees, didn’t you know that?
And of course, my absolute favorite: “Has anyone gotten COVID-19 after being fully vaccinated?”
I, uh… Hold on a second while I think about that.
This is still considered a question in July of 2022: “Has anyone gotten COVID-19 after being fully vaccinated?” Fascinating. Are there people using Google from a bubble buried near the earth’s core?
Can COVID access my browser history?
Does Covid make my husband drink?
How does COVID smuggle children across the southern border?
Did covid drink all my orange juice?
Viruses floating in tubs of bleach... THANKS! I NEEDED THIS LAUGH RIGHT NOW!!!!!