World of LULZ

can i hurt my face with this meat grinder? will my hamster murder me with a gun?

A very few days after three top medical officials at one of the biggest hospitals in Los Angeles spent ten glorious minutes openly mocking Covid hysteria — “We’re just seeing nobody with severe Covid disease” — I got my morning local news alerts in my inbox and saw that they were full of fear porn headlines about the terrifying RISING WAVE of local Covid hospitalizations. And I thought, “But they just said….”

So I went to Google up some hysteria, so I could write a short post showing the disconnection between what doctors were saying and what reporters were saying. But, reader, I didn’t make it.

I didn’t make it there because Google offered me a bunch of suggestions about other Covid questions that might interest me:

I am in love with these questions, and may move in with them. “Can I still have sex during the coronavirus pandemic?” Absolutely not, but check back in 2028.

“Can the coronavirus survive in a swimming pool?” Of course. It’s literally the second most common site of transmission — right behind number one, which is people getting Covid from viruses floating in actual tubs of bleach.

“Does everyone with COVID-19 end up in the hospital?” No, most die screaming on the way there. It literally eats your knees, didn’t you know that?

And of course, my absolute favorite: “Has anyone gotten COVID-19 after being fully vaccinated?”

I, uh… Hold on a second while I think about that.

This is still considered a question in July of 2022: “Has anyone gotten COVID-19 after being fully vaccinated?” Fascinating. Are there people using Google from a bubble buried near the earth’s core?