Immortal He-Man Thunder-God, Strongest of All Warriors, Greatest and Bravest of All Time

so like omg don't vote for him

Casey Hutchinson. Lord. And here I thought Marat-Sade was dark and twisted.

So President John Wick hears that dangerous insurrectionists are gathering at the Capitol with AR-15s, right, and so then he’s all, like, I’m not afraid, take me to the Capitol!, ‘cause it’s not like bullets can even hurt him, right, but his Secret Service detail refuses to take him there, so he leaps across the divider and grabs the steering wheel and fights the Secret Service, sudden real-life hand-to-hand combat in a moving car!

NautPoso 🇮🇪☘️ @NautPoso

@DonaldJTrumpJr It really happened

It was already striking that the news in Joe Biden’s second year in office is usually about Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump and TRUMP and TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP, and you turn on NPR or open Politico and get the impression that Donald Trump is the actual, literal center of the universe, the mighty pivot holding the whole vastness of cosmic existence on his shoulders — great shoulders, amazing shoulders, the very best shoulders, believe me, everybody says so, they’re just incredible — but the sudden turn to florid and febrile action hero stories is just a fascinating piece of social psychology. He’s suddenly the President Whitmore of Independence Day: He’s a combat pilot! He belongs in the air! He’s what’s-his-face, the dude who married Ally McBeal, fighting the terrorists on Air Force One. Get off my plane! Don’t mess with Donald Trump, punk, ‘cause he’ll straight-up go hands on.¹

But then he also threw ketchup at a wall, see, so he’s simultaneously a dark and petulant anti-hero.

He’s a hands-on warrior, a two-fisted barroom brawler, a man of action, not afraid to be dirty and rough and to play hard and ugly.

He’s a character. This is the news in the last week of June, in 2022, roughly 527 days after Donald Trump left the White House and flew home:

We’ve got to dirty Trump up, and diminish him, and make him an implausible candidate before 2024, so let’s, let’s, let’s….

TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP

See, now people will stop thinking about him!

“Senator, welcome to Face the Nation. What’s your view of the inflation crisis?”

“Well, Margaret, TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP.”

“I see. And how do you think the war in Ukraine is going?”

“Margaret, I TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP.”

“And finally, senator, I…”

“TRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMPPPPPPPP!!!!!!”

“Thank you, senator. We go now to a discussion about Donald Trump.”

It’s becoming the millenarian gathering in the prairie where the prophet says the sun will first spill its blood onto the dying earth. AND I HAD A VISION AND I SAY TO YOU TRULY THAT IN THE LAST DAYS THERE WILL BE TRUMP. At the current momentum, by October or so he will have spent January 6 rising from the dead, serpents clenched in each fist, dancing on a cloud of fire. He’s become an infinite capsule, a mythic figure who holds all the potent evil of the world in the center of his belly. “They were naked and unafraid, and then TRUMP TOLD THEM TO EAT THE APPLE, that moron! Somebody better hold some hearings about it!”

“Now Trump is become death, destroyer of worlds.”

Do they wake up screaming his name?

1. HOW DOES DONALD TRUMP SHAVE

WITH ROUNDHOUSE KICKS TO THE FACE

‘CAUSE ONLY DONALD TRUMP IS HARD ENOUGH TO CUT DONALD TRUMP