The meaning of conspiracy theory is evolving too rapidly for me to keep up. Once it meant gray aliens orchestrating the assassination of JFK to distract from Elvis's fabrication of the Moon landing. Then it meant accurately predicting what the government would do based on policy papers published by the government. Now it means ... using slightly different vocabulary to describe the same thing, I guess?
"I like strawberries."
"Fact check, conspiracy theorist! You have a preference for red ground berries!"
"The sky is blue."
"AKSHUALLY the sky is currently cerulean with patches of eggshell white and gunmetal grey, you RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY THEORIST! Stop spreading misinformation!"
The word "pterodactyl" is intrinsically funny, like "Titicaca."
You are also immediately picturing me riding a pterodactyl.
It also ignores the entire substance of the article to focus on something childish and tangential.
In conclusion, the subversion of expectations is a crucial element of comedy. I hope you enjoyed reading this essay as much as I enjoyed writing it. If my application to the War College is accepted, you can expect similar performance throughout my student tenure.
On the other hand, we're basically in a situation described by Mark Crispin Miller; people who call reality a "conspiracy theory" are people whose worlds would be totally destroyed by acknowledging the truth, so they cling to whatever will let them continue to dwell in their carefully constructed, shape-shifting fantasy. Everyone else (and I don't know what percentage of people this is) acknowledges, at least to himself, the truth. I guess we'll see whether it makes a damned bit of difference in what happens next. Good to see my local jackwagon (Rubio) is focused on the key issue of classified documents in Biden's underwear drawer, instead of maybe the totalitarian and utterly creepy goings-on at FDA and CDC. Walensky just gave herself a boatload of additional power, and no one in Congress batted an eye. Too busy figuring out how to escalate our proxy war and benefit their cronies in the arms industry, I guess.
In our snowflake-infested day and age, even the slightest prospect of discomfort readily gives rise to near panic. Hence any stray thought should be nipped in the bud—or else! 🙃
I'm not sure how you meant it, but "snowflake" is a term most often deployed against the under-30 crowd. The individuals whom I know who can't handle the truth (heh) are of a variety of ages, but are mostly in the Baby Boom generation. Multi-multi-injected and wearing one of those penguin-face masks everywhere they go, but still think "we" are "controlling" "COVID" if we only do as we're told. In general, I think so-called snowflakes are tools of powers that would like to control higher education (it's not about getting rid of grades or making it against the rules to wear a "racist" Halloween costume, so much as it is about making "feelings"--an incredibly manipulable barometer--the criterion for grades, hiring, promotion, etc.). On the other hand, the corona complex believers are not necessarily in the crowd that cries foul every time they're told their feelings should be hurt... They seem to be in the majority, especially outside Florida (and maybe Texas), and have fairly mainstream feelings on most things. They cannot accept the existence of the medical-industrial complex, though, and they cannot admit that their regulators have utterly betrayed them.
🗨 [The majority of folks] do hear your data and proofs. But in order to accept those as truth they must also accept that their docs are liars and their governments are monsters, which means their parents and teachers were wrong, and that science can't be trusted anymore, including those proofs and truths and that this has been going on for a long time.
An elephantine takeaway ↓↓
🗨 So, be kind. Be very grateful that you can see more truth than most.[...] And if you can handle that, be grateful for that as well. And patient and nonjudgemental for those who can't. You, and others like you, are an anomaly in the overall human condition.
I’ve commented on this thread already, but I have a serious and relevant story to share that quite literally just happened 5 minutes ago. I’m a professional civil engineer that works for a small consulting firm. The firm just started a “climate change adaptation and response” department, where a fellow who works in this new department emailed me 3 weeks ago if he could muscle into one of my recent projects to push his new mandates on “considering the climate”. My project is literally the design of a small drainage ditch to collect spring melt water. I emailed him this morning that I’m not interested in anything that will cost the client money if it’s not quantifiable (I asked him if he had some numbers for me I could use that would alter my ditch design). He just emailed me back saying “akschewally we do have numbers on this that all good engineers should be considering this”…then linked me to a Canadian government webpage that just waxes poetically about the dangers of climate change (no numbers, and no data). Then in the last half of the email he admits that he can’t quantify anything but he can give me a “qualitative” write up on it and the importance of considering it. So I was wrong to suggest that he supply me data for my design. He can supply data…if by data it is meant that he can write me a rant about how important climate change is (“qualitative assessment”).
Sounds like this guy need to be shrink wrapped to his desk chair then take him to the roof of your building and test his air speed velocity by shoving him off the roof and get your climate change data by timing how long it takes him to make it to the ground.
Are the employees in the climate change department engineers too? (Not that engineers are immune to woke-ism anymore...)
I was sad when I learned that the technical staff in Los Angeles’s Dept of Transportation were merely bicycle evangelists. At a public comment session to replace two lanes of traffic on our major artery with bike lanes, I asked them to share their studies of how many people, and what age ranges, were projected to abandon their cars and use these bike lanes instead. They replied with information about Portland, OR’s bike lanes. This elicited well-deserved laughter from the audience.
They painted the bike lanes anyway (I recall the cost was $60,000/mile-- a decade ago) and to this day nobody uses them.
This is bunk. I know because I pre-bunked your de-bunk from the bunk you de-bunked. Re-bunking some bunk doesn’t unbunk the de-bunk which I pre-bunked.
Someone need to make a list or website for all the conspiracy theories that are no longer untrue. Then I can send it to my family and friends who think I need a tin foil hat.
The irritating thing is that if even a single human uses the slightly inaccurate term "banned," this style of "fact-checking" will continue. Imagine if the media held, say, the federal government or Pfizer employees to this standard.
Fact Checked: The article is not gold but merely transmitted occasionally through gold plated connections within electronic circuitry. Thoughts cannot ackshually be turned into gold, therefor your statement is false.
The meaning of conspiracy theory is evolving too rapidly for me to keep up. Once it meant gray aliens orchestrating the assassination of JFK to distract from Elvis's fabrication of the Moon landing. Then it meant accurately predicting what the government would do based on policy papers published by the government. Now it means ... using slightly different vocabulary to describe the same thing, I guess?
"I like strawberries."
"Fact check, conspiracy theorist! You have a preference for red ground berries!"
"The sky is blue."
"AKSHUALLY the sky is currently cerulean with patches of eggshell white and gunmetal grey, you RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY THEORIST! Stop spreading misinformation!"
🗨 There is no conspiracy theory, there is only conspiracy reality.
🤷
Conspiragnosis is the true perennialism.
Alethiology rulez! 🤸
It has rules?
🗨 Only when it's being done right 😉
Poop.
Your profile blurb proves its eminent utility: can't tell --> prob doesn't matter 🤭
There's more than one possible parsing of the phrase "useful idiot," after all.
"The meaning of conspiracy theory is evolving too rapidly for me to keep up."
Please check Merriam-Webster online for the most current definition...
I can only hit the refresh button so many times per day though.
Those under 50 are clearly not banned. They're just waiting for their 50th birthday.
They're temporally non-ban-adjacent.
You're good man. LOL!
👏 You are the Emperor of Satire, Chris.
Yeah, but is he naked? Inquiring minds demand the facts.
😆 Chris is lavishly garbed, thankfully ;-)
What I'm hearing in this article is that I can have a pterodactyl.
Why is this so funny?
The word "pterodactyl" is intrinsically funny, like "Titicaca."
You are also immediately picturing me riding a pterodactyl.
It also ignores the entire substance of the article to focus on something childish and tangential.
In conclusion, the subversion of expectations is a crucial element of comedy. I hope you enjoyed reading this essay as much as I enjoyed writing it. If my application to the War College is accepted, you can expect similar performance throughout my student tenure.
Oh God. Thx for making this a better Monday!...:)
Happy to serve.
Can we ride pterodactyls? If so, I want one to train. And a few reliable velociraptors.
You can ride a pterodactyl but they are banned from trains.
Ptrains
Even if they are an emotional support animal?
No you can't have may damned pterodactyl. My kids have to eat too!
We are not doing Gain of Function!
We are merely enhancing desired traits, transmissibabilty modifications, lethality adjustments, via Directed Evolution!
Direct Meatbag Mutations
On the other hand, we're basically in a situation described by Mark Crispin Miller; people who call reality a "conspiracy theory" are people whose worlds would be totally destroyed by acknowledging the truth, so they cling to whatever will let them continue to dwell in their carefully constructed, shape-shifting fantasy. Everyone else (and I don't know what percentage of people this is) acknowledges, at least to himself, the truth. I guess we'll see whether it makes a damned bit of difference in what happens next. Good to see my local jackwagon (Rubio) is focused on the key issue of classified documents in Biden's underwear drawer, instead of maybe the totalitarian and utterly creepy goings-on at FDA and CDC. Walensky just gave herself a boatload of additional power, and no one in Congress batted an eye. Too busy figuring out how to escalate our proxy war and benefit their cronies in the arms industry, I guess.
In our snowflake-infested day and age, even the slightest prospect of discomfort readily gives rise to near panic. Hence any stray thought should be nipped in the bud—or else! 🙃
I'm not sure how you meant it, but "snowflake" is a term most often deployed against the under-30 crowd. The individuals whom I know who can't handle the truth (heh) are of a variety of ages, but are mostly in the Baby Boom generation. Multi-multi-injected and wearing one of those penguin-face masks everywhere they go, but still think "we" are "controlling" "COVID" if we only do as we're told. In general, I think so-called snowflakes are tools of powers that would like to control higher education (it's not about getting rid of grades or making it against the rules to wear a "racist" Halloween costume, so much as it is about making "feelings"--an incredibly manipulable barometer--the criterion for grades, hiring, promotion, etc.). On the other hand, the corona complex believers are not necessarily in the crowd that cries foul every time they're told their feelings should be hurt... They seem to be in the majority, especially outside Florida (and maybe Texas), and have fairly mainstream feelings on most things. They cannot accept the existence of the medical-industrial complex, though, and they cannot admit that their regulators have utterly betrayed them.
Woohoo! An opening to share my beloved wall of text 😊 →→ https://cjhopkins.substack.com/p/news-from-cj-hopkins-and-consent-2fd/comment/11451522 👌
In a neutron-star-condensed form ↓↓
🗨 [The majority of folks] do hear your data and proofs. But in order to accept those as truth they must also accept that their docs are liars and their governments are monsters, which means their parents and teachers were wrong, and that science can't be trusted anymore, including those proofs and truths and that this has been going on for a long time.
An elephantine takeaway ↓↓
🗨 So, be kind. Be very grateful that you can see more truth than most.[...] And if you can handle that, be grateful for that as well. And patient and nonjudgemental for those who can't. You, and others like you, are an anomaly in the overall human condition.
Thinking is been prohibited! Not allowed! Forbidden! DO NOT f%$*king attempt to think!
I’ve commented on this thread already, but I have a serious and relevant story to share that quite literally just happened 5 minutes ago. I’m a professional civil engineer that works for a small consulting firm. The firm just started a “climate change adaptation and response” department, where a fellow who works in this new department emailed me 3 weeks ago if he could muscle into one of my recent projects to push his new mandates on “considering the climate”. My project is literally the design of a small drainage ditch to collect spring melt water. I emailed him this morning that I’m not interested in anything that will cost the client money if it’s not quantifiable (I asked him if he had some numbers for me I could use that would alter my ditch design). He just emailed me back saying “akschewally we do have numbers on this that all good engineers should be considering this”…then linked me to a Canadian government webpage that just waxes poetically about the dangers of climate change (no numbers, and no data). Then in the last half of the email he admits that he can’t quantify anything but he can give me a “qualitative” write up on it and the importance of considering it. So I was wrong to suggest that he supply me data for my design. He can supply data…if by data it is meant that he can write me a rant about how important climate change is (“qualitative assessment”).
Ten years from now, as the last human dies, he'll moan, "It....was...the...spring melt drainage ditch." But by then it will be TOO LATE TO MATTER.
Sounds like this guy need to be shrink wrapped to his desk chair then take him to the roof of your building and test his air speed velocity by shoving him off the roof and get your climate change data by timing how long it takes him to make it to the ground.
Are the employees in the climate change department engineers too? (Not that engineers are immune to woke-ism anymore...)
I was sad when I learned that the technical staff in Los Angeles’s Dept of Transportation were merely bicycle evangelists. At a public comment session to replace two lanes of traffic on our major artery with bike lanes, I asked them to share their studies of how many people, and what age ranges, were projected to abandon their cars and use these bike lanes instead. They replied with information about Portland, OR’s bike lanes. This elicited well-deserved laughter from the audience.
They painted the bike lanes anyway (I recall the cost was $60,000/mile-- a decade ago) and to this day nobody uses them.
We are not attempting same-sentence hypocrisy. We are merely satire deficient.
Damn this is easy. I am in the wrong job.
This is bunk. I know because I pre-bunked your de-bunk from the bunk you de-bunked. Re-bunking some bunk doesn’t unbunk the de-bunk which I pre-bunked.
Fact. Checked.
I'll be in my bunk.
Bahahaha...double stamp. no erasies.
Your statement is nothing but a load of bunk.
Oh boy, Chris, you make the pain go away, if only for a few minutes. On that note, I am grateful for the protection your factcheck has provided. Amen.
Someone need to make a list or website for all the conspiracy theories that are no longer untrue. Then I can send it to my family and friends who think I need a tin foil hat.
Provable facts on the ground have overly flimsy relevance to kith&kin-perceived your need for special head garb. Most likely none at all 😉
The irritating thing is that if even a single human uses the slightly inaccurate term "banned," this style of "fact-checking" will continue. Imagine if the media held, say, the federal government or Pfizer employees to this standard.
Apparently Pfizer is actually SPECTRE.
They better not be. I’ll be pissed at Pioneer for selling their seconds company to Pfizer
Some idiot <----- "Menthol Cigarettes are not banned you just can't get them anymore."
That sums up California in a nutshell.
Since when? I’m currently inhaling a drag from this pack of Camel Crush Silver I just bought.
Since I shipped newport lights to my sister three weeks ago?
How can I get a job as fact checker? Looks easy!
First, grow a tail.
Second, you'll need to lobotomize yourself.
Fucken GOLD.
Fact Checked: The article is not gold but merely transmitted occasionally through gold plated connections within electronic circuitry. Thoughts cannot ackshually be turned into gold, therefor your statement is false.
Another brilliant satire Mr. Bray! Kudos!