56 Comments
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Chris Bray's avatar

"The four-largest name brands in the country — Angel Soft, Charmin, Cottonelle, and Quilted Northern — all received an F."

Are you wiping your ass....WITH DOOM!?!?!?

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Ethan Saunders's avatar

Why yes, yes I am.

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the long warred's avatar

Good thing I use Baby Wipes

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Chris Bray's avatar

You need to find a senior editor and ask if that choice is acceptable.

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Rreedd's avatar

will a biologist suffice?

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Johnny Dollar's avatar

I will be sure to buy each.

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Linda Bray's avatar

BAIZUO! A Chinese racial epithet for “stupid westerners dealing with irrelevant non-issues.” While we screw around with pronouns, climate change and TP virtue signaling, they are buying up farmland and building up the military. Among other things….

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Daniel D's avatar

So I can affect the climate of an entire planet while taking a shit? Talk about multitasking! This is great news. I'm going to start adding that to my resumè: "Assists in stabilizing the planet's climate while using company toilets."

I wonder if there's anything I can do to help the space program while moving my bowels? These are exciting times to be alive.

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Paul Clayton's avatar

"let it not be said that journalists aren’t standing watch at the ramparts of our endangered republic..." Yes, because if there's one thing today's young journalists know, it's sh*t. They are absolutely full of it.

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Brettsky's avatar

I’ll just stick with sandpaper I guess

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Rob Mac's avatar

Climate Bill #2 states we must make a full transition to eToilet Paper by 2035.

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CSFurious's avatar

Yahoo News is written for morons who read at a 6th or 8th grade level.

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William Ray's avatar

The comments on this Yahoo News article indicate that the readers are taking this serious issue very seriously, unlike you Chris.

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Chris Bray's avatar

(hangs head in shame)

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William Ray's avatar

Update: The tide is starting to turn, I think you have directed some traffic to this article.

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the long warred's avatar

The Tide is turning...

The Wind has shifted...

The passes are open...

Let the Great Scouring of our Shires begin...

Let the Bidets fountains flow...

Let our ablutions wipe clean the stain...

Let da shit 💩 flow my wiggaz (for you rap minded) ...

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Jess's avatar

Haha!!!

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Jess's avatar

It’s fashionable to make the Idiocracy comparison, but I think we may have actually passed that on the way to something much, much dumber.

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the long warred's avatar

Insane and Imbecilic

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Shan's avatar

Back to leaves for me. Wait, what does poison ivy look like again?

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Tardigrade's avatar

Mullein is supposed to be good.

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Naomi's avatar

There are so many serious topics to report on, yet they waste space on this? It's click bait. Everyone uses toilet paper (or we hope they do) so people will be naturally curious to see if their brand is environmentally acceptable.

We are living in non-serious times.

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Martha's avatar

It's called nudging...

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Cathleen Manny's avatar

No natural curiosity for me.

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JT's avatar

One wonders what exactly they see when they look in the mirror...

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Victoria Chandler's avatar

Thanks be to God, that He has blessed us with a SERIOUS media to watch out for us peasants...

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The Ungovernable's avatar

I just got chills!

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William Ray's avatar

A bear and a bunny were both taking a dump in the woods.

The bear asked the bunny "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"

The bunny answered that he did not have that problem.

The bear picked up the bunny and wiped with him.

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