Sometimes the dying need permission to go. Let him know it is ok. I truly believe some people hang on because they know their family is not ready- my father hung on until my mother was able to tell him it was ok. It was so hard for her to do- but he finally got peace. You and your family are in my prayers.
We told him. He said last week that he wasn't ready to go, and I know he isn't, but we told him. Don't know what's going on in there, now, or where he is on the journey. We'll see.
Your father, like my mother, is from a different generation - independent & strong. They stand on their own two feet. We knew better than to tell her she could let go. As her 8 children were told many times growing up “she was the boss”. She eventually threw in the towel and it was heartbreaking and relief at the same time. Godspeed.🙏
So true. I sat with my mother in hospice for five days. I promised her she wouldn’t die alone. On the evening of the fifth day a hospice rabbi came into the room to chat with me. He had seen that I had not gone home in some time. He reminded me that my mother was not unconscious. She knew I was there. I was talking to her. Touching her. And as I was her baby, the youngest child, she would not give herself permission to die with me there. Even in death she was protecting her baby. So he promised to stay with her all night and sent me home. We are not Jewish, but I know that on that evening a rabbi held my mothers hand and helped her to make her final journey. She passed away three hours after I left. Our parents are always going to protect us. Just sit with him. Touch him. And continue to let him know you will be okay. My prayers to you and your family.
This is very true. My father struggled on for some time. We thanked him for all he had done for us and told him that it was OK to let go. He passed on several hours later.
(see my comment just now) I just had this conversation with my sister who is tempted to speak to my dad about this. Thanks, I'll mention it to her.... "it is ok"
This was my experience with my Dad. I spoke to him all day, letting him know we’d take care of my Mom, sang to him, reminded him he’s going to heaven, he’s safe where he’s headed. I get the sense you may confidently say all that too. 😥 it’s so hard. Easy does it 🙏
My mother died of stomach cancer just before 9/11. I feel your pain, really I do. The fact that you are allowing him his final breaths in his own home, with family near confirms my suspicions about your humanity.
We have been through it with four parents, a brother, and a cousin, the long and incremental way. May you feel the arms of God around you and your family.
You love your father, it’s plain to see. He’s definitely a fighter because walking around that lake in winter at 5500 ft. elevation with metastatic cancer is not easy. And there’s nothing easy about watching someone you love die. I’ve there with my own dad in hospice. But you are doing the right thing, the hard thing, and so he taught you well. Hang in there. God bless you and your family.
I didn't know that weasels got gravestones but I can think of several other words I might want to put on it. Thank you for this post. God bless you and your family.
When my dad passed a few years ago, my sister was dozing in the next room, it being her turn to be on “watch.” She was woken from her sleep by the sound of breathing from Molly, our childhood golden retriever (who had passed more than a decade before). My sister was so startled, she even called out to her in the darkness, wondering why she could hear her.
My dad loved that dog so much. And she was there to ease his moment of passing (among others, I’m sure) - that much I know.
So for your dad, too, someone will be there that he will be excited to see. And in the meantime, God bless him and the legacy of toughness he leaves, which the world needs now more than ever. And God bless your mother and your family in the days and weeks ahead. ❤️
He is dignified and exalted in these moments with you having him home and close to his family. You honor his meaningful and grand life. Thank you for giving us the true honor of praying for your father. PAX
Chris: I have indeed prayed for your Dad and for you and for all that know and love you both. At the top of that list is your Mother. As a Believer who knows how this ends, I still enjoy learning day by day how His Story unfolds in my life. And yours. And your Dad's. May you feel His Presence in your pain.
His chapter may be closing but He Knows how His Story Ends.
Also praying for Tamie, my mother-in-law here in Japan. Going through a very similar situation, though her surgery to remove cancer and took out the stomach was only last Friday. Hal sounds like her, gonna keep living and fighting to the end.
It’s inspiring and as your article makes clear, such a contrast to our so-called leaders.
I'm in tears. Blessings for Hal's transition: may there be peace. Blessings for you and your mom: may your love for Hal and each other see you through.
I know now where you got your strength for resistance, Chris.
Sometimes the dying need permission to go. Let him know it is ok. I truly believe some people hang on because they know their family is not ready- my father hung on until my mother was able to tell him it was ok. It was so hard for her to do- but he finally got peace. You and your family are in my prayers.
We told him. He said last week that he wasn't ready to go, and I know he isn't, but we told him. Don't know what's going on in there, now, or where he is on the journey. We'll see.
Your father, like my mother, is from a different generation - independent & strong. They stand on their own two feet. We knew better than to tell her she could let go. As her 8 children were told many times growing up “she was the boss”. She eventually threw in the towel and it was heartbreaking and relief at the same time. Godspeed.🙏
So true. I sat with my mother in hospice for five days. I promised her she wouldn’t die alone. On the evening of the fifth day a hospice rabbi came into the room to chat with me. He had seen that I had not gone home in some time. He reminded me that my mother was not unconscious. She knew I was there. I was talking to her. Touching her. And as I was her baby, the youngest child, she would not give herself permission to die with me there. Even in death she was protecting her baby. So he promised to stay with her all night and sent me home. We are not Jewish, but I know that on that evening a rabbi held my mothers hand and helped her to make her final journey. She passed away three hours after I left. Our parents are always going to protect us. Just sit with him. Touch him. And continue to let him know you will be okay. My prayers to you and your family.
This is very true. My father struggled on for some time. We thanked him for all he had done for us and told him that it was OK to let go. He passed on several hours later.
Sometimes they are waiting on loved ones to be there with them--I guess it's a final good bye.
(see my comment just now) I just had this conversation with my sister who is tempted to speak to my dad about this. Thanks, I'll mention it to her.... "it is ok"
Yes, you are so right.
This was my experience with my Dad. I spoke to him all day, letting him know we’d take care of my Mom, sang to him, reminded him he’s going to heaven, he’s safe where he’s headed. I get the sense you may confidently say all that too. 😥 it’s so hard. Easy does it 🙏
My mother died of stomach cancer just before 9/11. I feel your pain, really I do. The fact that you are allowing him his final breaths in his own home, with family near confirms my suspicions about your humanity.
What a poignant essay. May God guide and help you and your family through this difficult time.
We have been through it with four parents, a brother, and a cousin, the long and incremental way. May you feel the arms of God around you and your family.
You love your father, it’s plain to see. He’s definitely a fighter because walking around that lake in winter at 5500 ft. elevation with metastatic cancer is not easy. And there’s nothing easy about watching someone you love die. I’ve there with my own dad in hospice. But you are doing the right thing, the hard thing, and so he taught you well. Hang in there. God bless you and your family.
My dad's response to metastatic cancer was to go hiking in the mountains. That's it exactly, and it says everything.
That’s about his strength of character. As far as those of us who remain, it’s true in my experience that:
“That which you most need to find will be found where you least want to look”.– Carl Jung
These awful things can teach us something, beyond just experiencing atavistic hurt. Hang tough.
This is so heartbreaking! But it’s also a tribute to Hal’s will to live from his loving son. Kyrie Eleison!! Lord, have mercy!
I will pray for him as he goes to his Great Reward. Great courage by your Dad. And by you.
Danny Huckabee
When the time comes for each of us, what better way than with grace and loved ones at your side? Hal has both.
A Jordan Peterson quote for you, Chris: "Be the strongest person at your father's funeral."
Prayers up.
Forcing people to die alone during covid was unconscionable. Those responsible for this cruelty need to pay a price.
Yes! We can never, ever again allow such an abomination. Never.
Hopefully having to live with their actions will be a price enough.
I doubt it.
Thank you for sharing this difficult time with your readers.
And thank you for teaching us the word “pusillanimous” before the Ministry of Truth wipes it from the lexicon.
It's the only word they should put on Justin Trudeau's gravestone.
Trudeau deserves the abbreviated version.
Thinking of your father and your family today.
I didn't know that weasels got gravestones but I can think of several other words I might want to put on it. Thank you for this post. God bless you and your family.
When my dad passed a few years ago, my sister was dozing in the next room, it being her turn to be on “watch.” She was woken from her sleep by the sound of breathing from Molly, our childhood golden retriever (who had passed more than a decade before). My sister was so startled, she even called out to her in the darkness, wondering why she could hear her.
My dad loved that dog so much. And she was there to ease his moment of passing (among others, I’m sure) - that much I know.
So for your dad, too, someone will be there that he will be excited to see. And in the meantime, God bless him and the legacy of toughness he leaves, which the world needs now more than ever. And God bless your mother and your family in the days and weeks ahead. ❤️
So much in this world we don’t understand.
He is dignified and exalted in these moments with you having him home and close to his family. You honor his meaningful and grand life. Thank you for giving us the true honor of praying for your father. PAX
Chris: I have indeed prayed for your Dad and for you and for all that know and love you both. At the top of that list is your Mother. As a Believer who knows how this ends, I still enjoy learning day by day how His Story unfolds in my life. And yours. And your Dad's. May you feel His Presence in your pain.
His chapter may be closing but He Knows how His Story Ends.
I am a firm believer that the body will continue to respond until WE decide to discard it. May his spirit show forth as long as he so desires! Amen
❤️🙏 for Hal
Oh, wow, Christopher.
I’m praying for Hal.
Also praying for Tamie, my mother-in-law here in Japan. Going through a very similar situation, though her surgery to remove cancer and took out the stomach was only last Friday. Hal sounds like her, gonna keep living and fighting to the end.
It’s inspiring and as your article makes clear, such a contrast to our so-called leaders.
Much love to Hal and family.
And to yours.
I'm in tears. Blessings for Hal's transition: may there be peace. Blessings for you and your mom: may your love for Hal and each other see you through.
I know now where you got your strength for resistance, Chris.