Don Rickles In Aspic for the AWFL Feast

2024 sucks

As markets showed signs of nervousness yesterday, and as the Middle East slides toward what sure looks like a major regional war with global implications — though let’s hope not — would-be Speaker of the House Hakeem Jeffries is offering these deep thoughts about war and the economy:

The message is locked. War, market crashes, flying saucers vaporizing cities with death rays: none of it will matter, and none of it will enter the rhetoric. Barring a major intervention by the force of reality, August through November will be Project 2025, handmaids, “extreme MAGA Republicans,” warm and wonderful trans kids, and culture war, culture war, culture war. Take screenshots of Democratic messaging this week, and then look at the screenshots a couple times a week, and you’ll spare yourself the need to read the news until December.

If you live in a blue zone, you’re familiar with these messages, and with the focus they imply. Democrats are locked in tight — bizarrely, I think, but what do I know — on the interests and inclinations of upper-middle-class liberal white women, very much to the exclusion of a bunch of traditional Democratic constituencies. We’ll see how this focus works in practice, but 24/7 lawn sign culture war will be tedious and irritating to…well, to me. By the way, the coconut tree dance is trending on TikTok, to honor the warmth and wonderfulness of the amazing Kamala Harris.

@alexandratuoheywhatever tiktok dance it is, it always looks so easy and it never is 😭 #coconut #kamala #fyp #coconuttree #context

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Last week, I wrote that Minnesota Governor Tim Walz was too repulsive and bizarre to bother digging into details. So this week he becomes the VP candidate. Of course the thing he brings to the ticket is that he’s the insulter, the person who started saying that Donald Trump and JD Vance are weird. So the campaign is 1.) Kamala is warm and wonderful / yas slay kween; 2.) MAGAs are weird and dark. For three months. A fully depoliticized politics, wholly focused on cultural signals and status display, Chip and Joanna remodel your house as politics. Live, laugh, love!

“Take no positions.” Go look at the Kamala Harris campaign website. It’s exactly this. Three months of personality gestures.