As God Is My Witness, I Thought Turkeys Could Fly

sad sacks: a history

Norm Eisen’s book is Mark Pomerantz’s book. Norm Eisen is Mark Pomerantz. The whole lawfare project is pathetic sad sack loserdom. I’m sorry I missed it — but in my defense, Norm Eisen.

Eisen is, with a couple of other pathetic figures, Trump-focused lawfare’s idiot father. He wrote a book about it, published in 2020, and oh my word is this man a fool. Here he is meeting with his brain trust, the brilliant minds on the Get Trump team plotting impeachment during the Great Orange Presidency:

That’s a George Grosz painting come to life. Imagine having access to the cognitive firepower of both Pramila Jayapal and Ted Lieu, and still not managing to earn convictions in the Senate. We’re going after the President of the United States — we’re gonna need top legal minds like Colorado’s former chief consumer advocate! David Cicilline, by the way, is an interesting figure to choose for a team focused on scandal on the other team.

But then, Eisen seems to…not have a great eye for talent?

Jerrold Nadler, the razor-sharp constitutional scholar, the hardened congressional knifefighter with a spine of steel.

Eisen performs the exact maneuver that Pomerantz pulled, describing Michael Cohen as a giant piece of shit who should never be trusted at all and who…well, gave us brilliantly precise and flawless insight into Donald Trump’s character and deeds. He does this in back-to-back paragraphs, like a man falling into a trance. This man is disgusting, he’s appalling, he’s a total liar, I would…never…listen…to…ohhh, he says that Orange Man Baaaaad…

Pages 48 and 49, if you want to get a copy of the book and see for yourself. Wear gloves.

And so here’s what the brain trust did to stand up to the corrupt orange president:

They decided before the inauguration to have Trump impeached. How wonderfully principled. Also, I just called the police and asked them to arrest my neighbor, because I feel vaguely that he might rob a liquor store later in the decade.

And so, assembling a brilliant and principled team of constitutional scholars who shit their pants, Norm Eisen set out to destroy President-Elect Trump for being corrupt at some future point.

Weird that his years-long project now seems to be so corrupt and inept.

To be continued.