All Voices Cry Out With Joy as Cabbage Production Soars to 29% of Quota in Glorious Victory for Five-Year Plan

Citizen, you must see the news correctly! In Brazil, brave warriors for democracy have silenced shameful attacks against foundational democratic principles like restrictions on political speech, but the forces of repression are lashing out with their cruel demands for a so-called open discourse, a nakedly fascist concept!

But perhaps it would be best if you just didn’t trouble yourself with the complexity of these events at all, brave citizen. Perhaps you should soothe your brain with some silence, in honor of democracy!

I tested this, and the little bit of news that shows up in American mainstream media is absolutely remarkable. A few days ago, the Washington Post calmly explained that Brazilians just don’t care at all about this meaningless X platform thing, and are indifferent to the fact that it has been banned.

Let’s have a look at the evidence for this claim of indifference.

X is banned, but people are trying to open it, but they can’t, because it’s banned. See, this proves that people are indifferent to the loss of the platform. They’re trying to use it, which proves that they don’t care about it. “Its suspension has further weakened its capacity to compete with other social media companies,” the story helpfully explains. I no longer wish to walk on my legs, because they have been amputated.

But what’s happening? Why is X banned?

It threatens democracy when people are allowed to speak without permission from judges, who are the correct arbiters of access to the democratic public sphere, but the growing weakness of this part of the public sphere is proved by the fact of its formal repression. Lewis Carroll was an amateur.

Weirdly, while the Washington Post reports that Brazilians don’t care about the loss of a portion of the open public sphere, the Wall Street Journal reports that they’re…well:

Presumably they’re taking to the streets to show how little they care.

Here’s the Associated Press, explaining the battle for Brazilian democracy:

Since 2019, X has shut down 226 accounts of far-right activities accused of undermining Brazil’s democracy, including those of lawmakers affiliated with Bolsonaro’s party, according to court records.

Ahh, you see, democracy is where open discourse is prevented, and political figures from the opposition party are targeted for focused repression — because having a political opposition undermines democracy. Democracy is single-party rule, ruthlessly enforced, with firm bans on opponents of the party in power. A thousand Democratic Party politicians find themselves nodding along automatically, like something has been subconsciously triggered in the depths of their souls. “Memo to Judge Chutkan…”

Orwell:

Early in life I have noticed that no event is ever correctly reported in a newspaper, but in Spain, for the first time, I saw newspaper reports which did not bear any relation to the facts, not even the relationship which is implied in an ordinary lie. I saw great battles reported where there had been no fighting, and complete silence where hundreds of men had been killed. I saw troops who had fought bravely denounced as cowards and traitors, and others who had never seen a shot fired hailed as heroes of imaginary victories; and I saw newspapers in London retailing these lies and eager intellectuals building emotional superstructures over events that never happened. I saw, in fact, history being written not in terms of what happened but of what ought to have happened according to various “party lines.”

Brazil is banning free speech and political opposition to protect democracy, so Brazilians are in the street because they don’t care, and people are trying to use X in Brazil but they can’t, which proves that they don’t want to use it.

I hope that clears up a few questions for everyone.