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John Carter's avatar

Had an ancestor who was reviled for being a wife-beating drunk. Everyone hated him, grew up hearing only about what an awful piece of shit he was. Later found out he was a cavalry NCO on the front in the Great War (hmm, wonder if that was related to the drinking?), and volunteered to fight in WWII (he didn't end up going; the officer in command recognized him and pulled him out of the ranks at the last minute, promoted him to warrant officer on the spot, and held him back to train the men).

Stories like the one you told here hit me in the feels. There's no respect for warrior culture in our feminized society and warriors are treated abhorrently. Homeless vets dying of drug ODs while migrants get free housing, education, and health care. Hysterical women destroying the careers of blooded line troops because they used the wrong pronoun or didn't want the Fauci Ouchie. Political appointees in generals' uniforms wrecking the lives of real officers because the latter called out the formers' mendacious incompetence. The shitshow of imperial collapse is a sight to behold.

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Donald Downard's avatar

Mr. Bray-

Wow.

I was shocked by the very first sentence. Dismayed at the next several paragraphs, and thankful to you- not for an apologetic of the man I called dad, but for unwinding the truths about the complexity of the father I knew.

Was he the perfect example for this article? No. He was the imperfect example that was perfect for this writing.

I am a product of Col Downard's final marriage- a tough, but happily successful one that he remained in until his death. To this day, I still have not met all my half-siblings.

And no apologies from me either. I do understand the path of broken hearts, broken homes, and broken families he left behind. But that is not the man I grew up with. Still Hard? Still Unrelenting? On the surface- absolutely. I grew up as his personal Private. And yes, he was a man that was truly haunted by his demons- prone to drink too much, set in his ways, and yes, to the very end, prone to hit the floor at the unexpected sound of a car backfiring as it passed on the street. He was, I know now, the textbook case of undiagnosed PTSD.

He spoke little of his military career. What I learned of his career, I learned from his men- both from WWII and Korea. And that's when I saw the hard man soften. Where I could see the "heart behind the hardness". Where I saw men like his company surgeon and others under his command, years later, talk with fondness, respect, and even reverence about his leadership- how they lost so many, but would have lost so many more without him at the lead. How they would follow him into hell again if asked. It was then that the flawed man I called Dad began to transition into my example of what a leader should be. My biggest regret still to this day is that I was too young to really appreciate it then... to comprehend it... and to thank him for who he tried to become. His lessons still resonate with me daily. I got to see both sides of the man and I thank "his soldiers" that reflected that brighter side of him.

As a follow-up to your article- after his medical retirement from the Army, he continued to fight for veterans. He joined the DAV and continually fought for the rights of those men and women- from WWII through Vietnam, helping them get their disability benefits from the government. He loved what he did. He was good at it. Why? Because he considered them all his soldiers and advocated for them relentlessly. To be sure, it took its toll. Their stories, their tribulations, brought back the darkness. He helped them because he "knew" them, he got them, he was them. In a way, he continued to lead "his men" until he retired- and it continued to shape the man, for better and worse.

He wasn't "bad stock" (although I understand where the sentiment originated). He was a product of his environment, and it had a significant impact on those that came in contact with him- for better on the front lines, and for worse on the home front. I pray that those with the same scars can relate, and can get the help that was not available to my dad.

I understand the intent of your article and appreciate your insights and how you applied his story to the "transition" that the military is going through. More than that, I appreciate your willingness to see, and tell the story of, the whole man.

Thank you.

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