Infinitely Maximalist

all aims are far beyond total

My thoughts on the Trump indictment are that gay pride. This’ll make sense in a few minutes, so hang in there.

Rockefeller Center is celebrating Pride month like this:

As their website says, “Throughout the month of June, our campus will be awash in signs and symbols of Pride with rainbow pathways, hundreds of Pride flags surrounding The Rink, and vinyl decals decorating its spaces.” Among Rockefeller Center retailers, Magnolia Bakery will have a Pride cupcake, and Brooks Brothers will have Pride pocket squares, and Cole Haan will have Pride shoes, and apparently a place called Dough will have a Pride donut, with rainbows. Scientists are currently working to infuse all known substances with Pride rainbows at the molecular level, BUT IT’S STILL NOT ENOUGH, PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE. Oh, and FAO Schwarz has a lesbian Barbie. I have not inquired as to how the said Barbie will demonstrate her sexual identity, but let us pass over this question in dignified silence. All available spaces will be multiply Prided; there will be not one Pride flag, but “hundreds of Pride flags.” If you hold still long enough they may tattoo a rainbow on your eyeballs, sO yOU cAn hAvE pRIdE foReVerRRRRRRRRRR, so just keep moving. AND HAVE WE MENTIONED PRIDE!?!?!?!?

Meanwhile, every Democratic officeholder in California is in Day Ten of PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE, and pre-Pride and post-Pride and present-progressive PRIDE PRIDE, and I loved the Pride parade, so see you at the Pride parade, which will be followed by a Pride parade, AFTER WHICH WE MAY HAVE A PRIDE PARADE I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M LAUGHING LIKE THIS BUT I JUST CAN’T STOP OH NO HERE COMES THE NURSE:

Did she mention PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE? Eventually her head pops off and rolls away down the street, I think, but that’s just a guess.

Meanwhile, the Jean-Paul Marat in California’s production of Marat-Sade — that would be a Scott Wiener reference, obviously — has just amended a piece of legislation to more clearly define parental failure to affirm a child’s declared gender as presumptive child abuse. Because I still can’t embed Twitter video, click here to watch a California legislator calmly explain that the bill just does what she’s already done with her own gender-affirmed seven year-old. Imagine not being prepared to alter your seven year-old’s genitals because zhe says so, Adolf. Love means castrating first-graders, OBVIOUSLY.

Over and over and over again, every premise has to be advanced to its near-psychotic end. Sexual self-determination for adults is being a Nazi, because LISTEN TO THE TRANSGENDER TODDLERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Similarly, flying just one Pride flag is LITERALLY INVADING POLAND, because YOU NEED HUNDREDS.

This is your brain on social media: premises that start flying, then blast on into eternity. I forget which rocket scientist argued that rockets wouldn’t work in a vacuum, but rockets clearly work in a cultural vacuum, so.

And so Donald Trump is the Most Worstest Nazi in the History of Forever, literally the meanest criminal who ever lived, and he’s been indicted in Manhattan, and indicted by a federal Special Grand Inquisitor, and he’ll be indicted in Fulton County, and and and…..

All bad things are the worst thing. All good things are the BEST THING EVER. Distasteful figures are Nazis; disagreement is being Hitler. I noticed twelve more examples this week that I meant to include here, but let’s just not.

The administration of a president from X party, facing a challenge next year from the leading candidate of Y party, is having the challenger from Y party arrested. THAT’S A REALLY GREAT IDEA, SEE, ‘CAUSE NO ONE IS ABOVE THE LAW. He’s not objectionable, he’s a criminal. Of course, no former president has ever possessed a government document before, so the use of the Espionage Act is quite reasonable.

All members will assemble in the pavilion for fruit punch.